


Letters

by Ibtbml



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, pain pain go away go and come another day, sorry for killing uenoyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:39:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29574726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ibtbml/pseuds/Ibtbml
Summary: Mafuyu starts writing letters to uenoyama after uenoyama dies to vent
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's one week between every letter, except the last one

Dear uenoyama:

It hasn't been long since we were together, but i miss you as if 10 years have passed in a week. I hope that now you have no regrets and you are happy playing the guitar up there. These days i spend time with Haru-San and Kaji-San; they try to be close to me as much as they can. Maybe they are worried, but i want you to know that i'm okay. I know that you are better now, and just knowing that, gives me a reason to smile, because i know how difficult it was before, and i'm relieved that the hard times have ended for you. I would like to thank you, and to say sorry. Sorry because i wasn't there, sorry for being selfish, i have so many things to apologize for, but i want to thank you, for all these times you spent with me, for not making me feel guilty when i thought of him, but most importantly, for loving me.

I don't want to say goodbye. I feel that if i do, i'll forget you. A part of me hates you for leaving me, for not considering how would i feel, but mostly for not saying goodbye. But then again, i don't think i could hold back my tears if you did. Even if is impossible, i hope one day we meet again, and that when the moment arrives, we can be together without any worries or stupid fights. I'll always be there for you, even if you can't be there for me. Rest well, Uenoyama.

With love, Mafuyu.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Uenoyama:

Even if I say I'm fine, I can't help my eyes getting wet every time I hear your name, or my throat hurts when I see your picture on my phone, I lie to myself over and over again, thinking that I don't miss you and I'm well.   
I was happier with you by my side, those memories still come to me at night and make me cry because you are no longer here. Why did you leave me? Was I not enough? Did I annoy you? Why can't I fix it? Why do not you answer me? Why? Just tell me, why? Why can't I stop forcing myself to think it's my fault? I try to forget it, I don't want to forget you, but remembering you hurts, I can't find a way to stop the pain.   
Help me, even if you're not here, just help me, help me stop the pain and the memories, help me end all this.  
There's no one to hold me while i fall into this void, no one to hug me in this darkness or to help me when i try to escape from this place. Hope you are happy now  
Sincerely, Mafuyu


	3. Chapter 3

Uenoyama:

As much as I cry or beg I know you are not coming back to me, I wish there was a way for us to meet again and be happy, but sometimes life is not the way we want it to be and we end up making bad decisions caused by pain.  
I'm going to try to get over you, I'm going to become someone you don't need to worry about, someone you can be proud of, so you can finally rest in peace.  
Was i not enough for you to stay? If I had stayed longer that day, then could i have helped? Maybe it was my fault, or maybe it was not, but you are not here to give me the answer, and it's something I may never get over. Regret and guilt never leaves my mind, no matter how hard I try I don't know how to stop thinking about you, I miss you, I need you to smile and talk to me like you used to, I need you here by my side, how can I leave this loneliness? They say that time heals everything but after all this time I still can't leave you. I don't know if I want to leave you.  
I'm sorry, Uenoyama.  
Mafuyu


	4. Chapter 4

Uenoyama: 

Forgive me, even if you don't have something to forgive me for, or even if you still have 10,000 reasons why I should apologize, just forgive me, because if you don't I will never be able to forget you. It's stupid, isn't it? To blame someone who isn't alone for the simple reason of my selfishness, to apologize even when I know it's too late to do so, or to beg for something I don't have the right to beg for. It's so stupid. But stupid people make stupid decisions, right? I feel like all my actions are excuses to ignore reality, but even knowing I can't find a way to stop it. Why should I stop it anyway? It doesn't matter if others get hurt if I'm the one healing from those wounds. They always said to think of me first and then the rest, so why is it when I do it that I am the one who is wrong? Who decides what is right and what is wrong? How is it my fault if it doesn't feel like it is? Why is everyone leaving me? Why am I so alone? I wish I had the answer to all my questions, but there doesn't seem to be anyone who knows the answer. See you soon, Uenoyama.

Mafuyu


	5. Chapter 5

I won't write to you anymore, sorry Uenoyama, but this is no longer healty for me. At first i just wanted to vent, to let go all the sadness that losing you gave me, but how did it get like this? This is not good, this doesn't help me, this won't help me. I have to let you go, i'm tired, tired of thinking i'm okay, tired of trying to forget you, tired of everyone asking if i'm okay, i'm so tired. And i know you don't want this for me, i don't want this for me, i want to be happy again, i want to go back to my friends, i want to smile again, i want to live again, it will hurt that you are no longer part of my life, but is okay, i'll make it be okay. Maybe a month isn't enough to get over you, maybe a year will not be either, and although i know how much it will hurt, i will let you go, no matee how long it takes, maybe promising it doesn't worth much, but i promise that i will.  
So i have to say goodbye, as much as it hurts, i have to, because if i don't i won't forget you. 

Goodbye Uenoyama.

With love, Mafuyu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope yall liked it, tysm for reading till the end <3


End file.
